What was I thinking?!?!
I couldn’t sleep last night. I’d been researching the prices of cars and I just couldn’t believe it. I started realizing how much time and money I’d wasted throughout my 20s and it really upset me.
First of all, I applied to one grad school, got in, and went. Then I spent 2 years getting a useless master’s degree, thinking, What else is there to do? Jobwise, there was a writer’s strike in Hollywood, a small recession, and then 9/11 happened.
Not only did I go into debt by going to school, but immediately afterwards I went into a profession that doesn’t pay you more for having more education. You get paid less, actually, because your school loans take away from your salary. I had more schooling than anyone on staff, including all my superiors and big boss. But through August of 2005—four years after graduating cum laude from USC—I was still doing things like hustling to Soho to return my boss’s boyfriend’s jeans.
And in grad school, while I’d been reading Plato and Kafka in a snow-covered hamlet for two years, my friends used that time to advance from assistant to associate, or more likely, analyst to manager. I came out of graduate school a glorified temp/intern.
I lived in the most expensive city in the U.S. and I struggled. It never got better. It was all glamour and no dough. Publishing has never been about profits. Add in the growing popularity of the internet and the decline of ad sales and circulation and…I shudder.
I used to think I was behind. Now I feel irreversibly behind. Completely screwed. I can’t believe I’ve wasted my 20s studying and traveling and writing and freelancing. DUH!
Seriously, if anyone out there is reading this and you’re in your 20s, do not waste a single year. Do not take the time for granted. Do not “better” yourself. You will forget 99% of what you learned. Do not go to grad school unless you have proof that it will further your career and give you a higher salary. Don’t major in something just because you like it. I like to read and write. Which means I probably already knew how to write. Major in something that’s practical. Think real hard about the industry you’re entering. And keep your eyes open for Mr. Right. But don’t fixate on anyone. Keep moving. Otherwise, you could be me. I’m on my own, stranded without a car. Adultlescence. Not so funny today.
Aw, Erin, I think you are being too hard on yourself. Your intentions were good, and hindsight is 20/20. I would venture to guess that most people feel like they wasted their 20′s. I know I do. But the experiences, good and bad, made me who I am now, and that is worth more than the job I could be doing if I had stuck to something and applied myself.
Big hugs, and buy yourself a nice used car!
I’ve written this exact post before! Only I skipped the masters because I was already in ridiculous debt. I had to move back home after being on my own for years because the added cost of health insurance just wasn’t feasible with rent and school loans. Yeah, yeah, you make more money if you have a degree. What they don’t tell you is that you’ll NEED more money if you have a degree! My friends who skipped college make less money than me yet have a larger disposable income. Not that I would have listened to anyone at 18, but I wish someone told me!
Erin! It’s refreshing to see a post describe exactly how I feel about my 20′s.. a wasted grad school program, living in an insanely expensive city, making less than any of my other friends while being way more educated! I never comment on blogs but this post really hit home with me!
As someone who used to work in publishing (and with that useless master’s degree, too!), I know exactly how you feel. Do I wish I never spent the money on the degree? Absolutely. Do I regret all the fun experiences I had because of doing it in one of the most expensive cities in the world? I try not to, but sometimes I do.
I ended up moving back home, too, and yes, it was a tough choice, but the best thing I ever did. It does get better, I promise!
I was really down on myself. Thanks, guys. @Caitlyn, it gets better?
Hi Erin! I used to follow you on Single-ish (my ID is ottimista22), and let me just say how much I feel your pain with the 20s do-over! I’ve still got a couple of years left before hitting the 3-0, but feeling like grad school was a waste of time and everyone else is light years ahead? Check and double check! But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? Even if your ride won’t be as shiny as Ms. Married-to-High-School-Sweetheart’s… but really, cars are sooo overrated anyway.
Wow! i’m studying for my GRE’s right now and this post makes me depressed. seriously
Aw, you sound so down! I feel your pain. I had a good job in Chicago, got married, moved around for 6 years for my husband’s job (finding random jobs where we lived in between), and have now moved back to Chicago and returned to that same said job I had 6 years ago. My friends have all doubled their salaries, and I am starting back basically where I left off….all for love. So ladies, don’t give yourself up for your husband’s job. It cost me my career, and my hostility in doing it almost cost my marriage. Lesson learned. Oh, and I am 33…
Erin! This post makes me really sad. I’m 22 and I work a corporate job. I just got accepted to business school to start next fall. I totally envy your writing lifestyle! I wish I could’ve had half the cool experiences you wrote about in your blog. It’s so funny you wrote this because I feel if I continue on my current path, I’m going to hit my 30s and wish I had lived YOUR life! Studying, traveling, writing, and freelancing sounds a LOT more fun that being stuck in a cubicle all day!
Hang in there, Erin. I definitely feel you. I’m 30 & feeling like my 20s were a waste, but my parents both insist otherwise! Whenever they would tell me that they were proud of me, I always wondered, “Why? I haven’t done anything!” So one day I asked & my dad really put things into perspective for me. I can live on my own, pay my bills, & do a million things by myself that some of my married friends wouldn’t have the first clue about. Plus, I have a job that I enjoy. Even if it doesn’t make me much money, I feel good about what I’m doing. So seriously, ask your mom & dad to tell you why they’re proud of you. It might help you to realize that you’re further along than you think!
Erin,
I’ve enjoyed your Single-ish column, by far the best on the Glamour site. As you say here, you CAN write and write well, and what you’ve just written sounds to me like something that would make a great TV series. The premise is all in your blog today so get going, I know I’d watch it!
@Erin I promise it does! I was just thinking yesterday about how much happier I am now than I was before. Takes some time to get used to, but totally worth it.
I’m a lurker from Glamour as well. I think you’re being hard on yourself, but I can relate… as I got a graduate degree (Library science, to be a librarian) in December and can’t find anything. I’ve been thinking some of those exact thoughts, now that I want to move to Chicago and am aspiring to try to find work as a legal assistant, secretary, or find something in retail. My friends have their start in different careers (or in lowly places, like what I aspire to at the moment), and I know that starting off a few years behind them is going to really suck.
I wouldn’t be upset about getting your graduate degree or living in NYC. Whenever I grumble about my degree, my parents (I live with them too, for the time being) always remind me that no one can take your education away from you. In ten years (or sooner), people will hear about your master’s and probably wish they’d gotten one too. Older adults (like those in their 50′s and 60′s) always tell me that they wish they’d gotten higher degrees. Living in an expensive city, like NYC was probably pretty tough, but you did it! How many people can say that? I was always pretty jealous, reading about your different experiences and fun adventures on the blog. Undoubtedly, both experiences make you more interesting overall.
It will get better. Just as you have some low feelings now, you’ll have some high/great feelings later.
I also forgot to add some wise advice from my mother, who always says “you shouldn’t beat yourself up for decisions you made in the past. You used the information you had at the time, and you made the decisions that seemed the best.”
“Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.” Does misery love company? Yes. Yes, it does. Okay, I will relate…
I wrote some morbid account of my 20′s that was both long and depressing. Not something anyone would likely want to read. I’ll save it for when I create my own blog and need a fun post for a friday titled “Not sure about suicide? Read this and it will put you over the edge”.
In the end, it would be simpler to just say that you are not alone Erin. Hell, I am wasting my 30s pretty rapidly. Do you like what you do? If so, then you are one step ahead of me.
Money? Money doesn’t buy happiness. I just listened to a podcast by the Sportsguy where he interviewed Michael Eisner who had just written a book about partners. In the interview, Eisner says that a recent study concluded that happiness comes from long term relationships.
Did you make any good friends in New York? Then you accomplished something. Also, you will find someone to love. I believe it. When you do, love just obliterates all other problems. I didn’t give a rat’s ass that I didn’t like my job when I was married, because I loved my wife that much.
My point is that the future is bright. The past? If you had fun and made friends, then you were doing exactly what you should be doing.
Don’t be hard on yourself. It can all turn around pretty quickly. There were some years in my 20′s that I was making less than everyone and struggled to eat out when we all went to dinner. It meant that I had to eat beans and eggs the rest of the week. But you’re smart and good looking and you’ll find something new. And you’re damn scrappy from making due in NY and that counts for something!!
Hi Erin,
I’m also a Glamour reader and in my 20′s. I got my b.a. in English and I’m currently in my first year of grad school studying journalism; this post definitely scared me! Let me just say I think you’re an intelligent, capable woman and I admire your honesty (especially since you’re putting it up for the world to see). I would like to think that everything ultimately will fall into place and it’ll all make sense in the end. BUT I’m barely 24 so I can’t speak from experience… so I want to ask you, if you could go back and change one thing, what would it be? Was grad school really that bad?
p.s. What did you major in for your b.a. and m.a??
I know you’ll be fine! Hang in there xo
I feel exactly the same as you, Erin, and many of you guys. I finished undergrad with no debt, went directly into my English Lit M.A. program, came out with tens of thousands of dollars in student loans and zero job prospects, and spent most of my twenties scrambling to get to the point in my career that most of my friends were at just a few years out of undergrad. To top it off, I live in Los Angeles and pay high-ish rent and I have a love for traveling. Now I’m 30 and I’m finally making great progress in my career, but I work in technology!! (English Lit M.A. totally not required.)
On the romance front, I spent six years during my twenties with a guy who I broke up with at 28 when I should have done it years prior. I sometimes look at my other 30 year old friends who own homes and have husbands and families and I feel like I seriously tripped up during my twenties. But more and more I’m realizing that I took the path that will make me the most happy in years to come. Sure, I have lonely nights where I feel like a loser for living with a roommate instead of being married, but better to be single now than to have married someone when I was too young to make a smart decision and be divorced in five years (sad to say, but I am seeing more and more of my married acquaintances separate.)
And although I wasted money on grad school and traveling, those memories and experiences are my very best and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. They have made me a more intelligent, well-rounded, worldly and interesting person, and in several years when I’m paying a mortgage and have baby or two I’ll be grateful that I got the bug out of my system to do those things while I wasn’t tied down!
I feel your pain but I think your experiences in your twenties are worth so much and have made you a dynamic person. Without them you wouldn’t be able to share your stories and offer the advice that we all love so much!
Hi Erin, I also used to follow you on your glamour blog and even though I understand you’re frustrated right now, your writing and blog posts used to just brighten up my day (and usually still do!). Seriously, sometimes I would just be having the WORST day and feeling so, so down on myself and I would read your posts and they would always make me smile. You’re such a talented writer and you have such an awesome personality and so many great life experiences. You’ve helped me out and I’ve sent your posts around to girlfriends when they’ve been down. I dunno….it probably doesn’t make you feel better, but I just thought I’d let you know that my life would have been just a bit worse if you had gone and done something corporate etc and had not had those experiences and great stories/ideas to write about.
Hi Erin,
I was a reader at glamour too. You are an awesome writer and I really look forward to your blog posts. My friend and I always talk about you and worry about your happiness. This post scared me too because I feel like I’m wasting my twenties as well. Just know, you have many fans and admirers out here. You’re the best!
I’m almost 26, and took 5 years to do a 4 year degree graduated with tens of thousands in school debt and promised myself I wouldn’t go back to school full time unless I KNEW it was the right thinga nd would impact my career financially. It’s served me well so far. As you know I just moved back home accross the country too and the job search is slow going.. but at least I have some experience and half my school loans paid off so far! Keep your head up! Everyone fools around in their 20s trying to find the thing we want to do with our lives.
Don’t beat yourself up for too long. For one thing, you are not that old! I spent my 20s in grad school (East Asian Studies), working/living in Japan for two years, and bouncing around doing not great jobs. At 30, after grad school, I managed to get a “career track” perm. job working for a Japanese company. I got “let in” to corporate America and it has worked out pretty well. Don’t sell yourself short on your writing! Maybe you can branch out into something else besides Glamour – if the blogging for them is getting old and you want to try something different.
Let today suck, but remember you’re making a HUGE transition right now. It’ll get better, and none of what you perceive as mistakes or bad choices will be your undoing. Promise. This stuff isn’t going to be “the end of you”. You’re a bright, funny, caring person who has become that person through all those various paths. Just trust you’re working it out, and it’s going to be difficult and scary at times. Sometimes making changes require these scary phases to fully figure out the next right step. You can also add “brave” to your list of qualities, because what you’re doing right now requires bravery (and please don’t argue this statement, because I’m just right). Also, check out the Nissan Cube. It’s like an ugly puppy, it will quickly grow on you and you’ll adore it. Compact but roomy inside, good gas mileage, pretty affordable especially if you can swing a lease. I leased one last Dec and LOVE it!! Good luck, don’t be so hard on yourself.
By the way, I’m 38, single (ended a long term thing last year), and left a great paying corporate job that made me miserable at the end of last year. I hope that doesn’t make you feel worse, haha, but my point is that I know a bit of what I’m talking about. Transitions are good, and everyone needs them from time to time. I’m getting to the happiest mindset I’ve ever been in, but there were some really awful times along the way. It’ll get better, and it’ll work out.
i used to read your posts on glamour & just had to chime in today to tell you how inspiring, well written, thought provoking & just overall fantastic your posts were. you were by FAR the best blogger on glamour. and i’m sure many would have loved to have experienced all the amazing things you have. take heart, things will get better.
I’m in my 20s. Thanks for the advice.
Erin, I can absolutly guarantee that your peers who skipped grad school and jumped into their careers are thinking exactly the opposite.
“I can’t believe I’ve wasted my 20s studying and traveling and writing and freelancing. DUH!”
Well I’m 26, married with a mortgage and an okay job I took straight out of college and I keep thinking “I can’t believe I didn’t take any time for myself to travel or study or experience anything new and different!” I always wanted to take a month to backpack through Europe and realistically, the time has passed. When again will I ever have a free month to just go? When I’m retired in 30 years.
Don’t beat yourself up for the choices you made a decade ago. The grass always looks greener on the other side.
I had one other thought. Ever considered teaching? With a masters degree, you are qualified to teach community college. Ask your local cc for a class. I don’t know about english, but they are always looking for math instructors.
Working your way into a full time position is really challenging, so keep that in mind. It usually takes years of adjunct teaching experience before they will even seriously consider a candidate. Getting a full-time job is treated a bit like winning the lottery.
If you do manage the full-time job, then you can make 6 figures with experience. Six figures working 9 months of the year and having a month off at christmas and a week off for spring break. Six figures working 40 hours per week or less (‘d guess that I work closer to 30).
It is a tremendously good gig. I personally find it a bit like babysitting (I forgot my homework, I slept in and missed the test, I couldn’t finish my homework because of blah, blah, blah). All the excuses drive me crazy. However, straight up, it is a fantastic job if you can keep the students from driving you crazy.
They aren’t obnoxious like high school students are in that they usually aren’t disrespectful. Many of them are just a bit lazy and they want a lot of extra chances and extra opportunities to do well. If you are cool with giving those chances, then they may not bother you. I never asked for extra chances when I was a student, so that is why it bugs me.
Anyway, if you have any questions, feel free to e-mail me.
It’s funny, I sometimes feel the exact same way, but sometimes I feel the opposite. I also have a masters degree that is not helping me find a job, and wishing I had gotten a high paying job right out of college so at least I’d have a “career” even if it’s not something I care about. But, on the other hand, I also married my college boyfriend and missed out on a lot of the fun that other people have in their 20s. I sometimes wish I had just moved to Barcelona to become a bar tender and travelled the world rather than settle down and go to grad school to be with my husband. But I guess life is all about making choices and we have to just assume that wherever we end up will be okay! Good luck with everything!
Thank you for the kind, kind words, everyone. WOW. What did I do to deserve you? And it’s so good to see so many of you on here, @teeney84, shoegal88, sushi83, ottimista22, Mike, Melliebay!! I really appreciate it! @TracyCM, I feel like we have the same life! @Ginny, I majored in English, emphasis in Creative Writing; minored in musical theater (REAL practical!). My M.A. was in Liberal Studies—it was some kind of interdisciplinary humanities mish mash useless type of thing. So sorry to scare you! But I never studied journalism and I always knew I wasn’t a lifer. I think things will be different and better for you. @Mike, you make teaching sound good…
Erin, chin up… you are beautiful, smart, a great writer and have a great support team (your family). You will succeed. You know how many females wish they can travel like you have?! You had the time of your life in your 20′s and that alone has made you that much stronger. Wishing you the best in your 30′s. XX
Very poignant post Erin! I am also a long time (23 year old) reader and always felt reading single-ish that you had such a glamourous and exciting life- the trips, all of the going out, etc. It is very interesting to hear this side of the story. I graduated with a very expensive (and useless) bachelors in the spring of ’09 and have had trouble finding a permanent job. I keep waiting for the crappy and menial temp jobs to end and for my 20′s to start. It is interesting to think that even if I was living in an expensive and glamourous city or going to grad school doesn’t mean that I would look back on my 20′s and feel satisfied. I need to think hard about how to best achieve my long term goals, not just live an exciting life in the moment. But also Erin, I think that you are just feeling down during your transition time (and not having a car is the worst!) and once you are settled and realize that you are right on track, you will feel so lucky to have been able to live the life that you did when you were younger. Good luck!
Hey Erin–I am about to turn 35, have been married for five years and have two kids. Let me tell you you did the exact RIGHT thing in your 20s. Once you start “settling down” you can say goodbye to all the travel, adventure and thoughts of grad school (well, not goodbye entirely, but certainly doing those things becomes much more difficult). Your 20s are for doing exactly what you did: trying new things, traveling, living in a new place, going to grad school, etc. I really wish I had done more of that and it will be a LONG time before I get a chance to do those things again. While I love my life now and wouldn’t trade it, I do feel like I sort of blew my 20s by climbing the corproate ladder and establishing myself instead of having fun and living life to the fullest when I had the chance to do it.
Sigh. I’m still IN my 20s (well, barely, 30 hits in 6 months) and I feel like I need a do-over too. I didn’t bother with grad school, I was already up to my ears in student loans after getting my bachelors. And I have a job that I WOULD make more if I had a graduate degree. I hunkered down and I’ll pay off my student loans in 2 months (yippee!) but as a result I have had NO disposable income for as long as I’ve been out of school. I’ve gone back and forth between living on my own and living at home. I haven’t traveled all that much, haven’t had spectacular experiences. I would disagree with you somewhat on your advice to major in something practical. I did that (Accounting & Finance) and while I will always be able to find a job as an accountant or analyst, I’m not 100% passionate about my career. I wish I had chosen a path where I felt like I was giving back. Even if it was something that paid less money, I think I would feel more fulfilled as a person. And the thought of going back to school at this point, and going into MORE debt (especially since I’m SO CLOSE to not having any) makes me want to cry. Apparently I’ve joined the Debbie Downer party! So…I feel your pain.
P.S. I miss you on Single-ish (ID was shebrihart), I looked forward to your posts every single day. You ALWAYS could make me laugh, I think you’re a fantastic writer!
dude. I totally feel your pain. Now at 32 I am *finally* finishing grad school in the sciences only to learn none of the jobs I’m highly qualified for pay very well.
All of my friends make well over 6 figures and have been for quite some time. they have things like houses, cars, saving accounts. they are also married and have children.
I’m burned out. I’m still single (which people feel the need to remind me of constantly). And I’m still broke. WTF?!? Now after all of this i wish I had done what something “practical” and not what I liked.
You are totally right.
i know it totally sucks, but it sucks MORE working all the time, climbing the ladder, and not having any time to spend the money. I know you are in a funk because you feel like you can’t afford the life you want, and I can totally appreciate that… but that doesn’t mean you should regret the extra education and life experiences you got instead. i am almost 29 and tried to spend the last 6 years climbing the corporate ladder… how did it work out for me? i’m back interviewing at the same company i worked for right out of college, in a less exciting division. kicking myself for some of the decisions i’ve made. it happens to everyone, but i think the path you chose, while less “practical”, will make you happier in the longrun.
Erin – This is a pretty surprising and disappointing post, if I may be blunt. If you really feel this way, it’s sad. It sounds like you made choices in your 20s to pursue your passions, and now you’re reflecting on it and saying, “why didn’t I just make more money instead.” If life was mostly about making money, then your advice would be well taken. It’s not, and I hope younger people do not take your advice to heart. The fact is, most men and women aren’t so money focused, and nor does it make them happy. NYC (and I live there) must have really changed your thinking in favor of a more greedy lifestyle. I wish you the best regardless, and will probably drop off as a reader after this post. I didn’t realize the author and I had such different views on money, the pursuit of it and life in general.
Don
WOW, it’s fascinating to see how varied the paths are that people have taken. So many ways to play your 20s. I like hearing everyone’s stories. And we all have some regret and some happiness. Very interesting! @Sheila, so good to see you here! Thanks for visiting and commenting. Wow, Single-ish love. I kinda miss it, too.
@Don, sorry to have turned you off. I’m not trying to drive a Lamborghini, I just want some wheels. Any wheels. My fear is that I haven’t put down the building blocks to safely take care of myself in the future–or even afford a car now! Other people were more responsible.
Passion or practical? Honestly, if you find your passion while in school, then go straight to work and love your job from day one, then you are lucky. Or you have low standards. Or you don’t make any money.
Most people bounce around a bit. They think that they know what they want to do, but once they get out in the real world, they discover that they were wrong. At that point, they change careers. Don’t most people change careers 7 times? I thought that I read that statistic somewhere.
That makes it sound to me like most people probably screw up their 20s. It is their first career. They picked what they thought would be cool in college, were proven wrong, then adjusted. So, Erin, it sounds like your experience is pretty normal.
It’s funny because I’ve been strugging with the exact opposite. I went into engineering because I was good at math and sciences. I got a good paying job and was unhappy. I decided to leave my job but being unemployed is pretty miserable too. You always hear about following your passion and the success/money will come. Well, I’m still trying to figure that one out…
I really resonate… I am 26. I have a theology degree and no longer have a desire to perform any job in that field and haven’t technically used it since I was 23. I really wish I’d listened to my parents when I went to college. [I can't believe I am saying that!]
I’ve worked at a coffee shop for 3 years here in Nashville, making enough to live off of just fine…. I’ve been able to travel some, pay my bills, and even afford my own apartment right now. But even so, I’ve been bored and uninspired. All my close friends are married [yes, you read that correctly]. I am debt-free thankfully and made the decision a few weeks ago to quit my stable, secure job, give up my health care, and move across the country to San Diego and crash with family while I attempt to figure out what to do with myself.
I am ready for an adventure and even if it doesn’t work out I’d rather know I tried then to stay home and always wonder what life could’ve looked like if I had taken more chances!
Aw, Erin. I know I’m late on the game here. But I think that all the time, and I’m not even in my mid-20′s yet. I was talking to my mother at lunch today about how I went to school for PR and now I work as an admin at a marketing agency – and I HATE PR. Nor do I remember anything from classes. I knew that I liked writing, and I liked performing, so I pursued that… and yes, I enjoy it thoroughly but I make no money from it (I work as an admin to support the art). But, if I didn’t go to college… I wouldn’t have made my friends. I wouldn’t have taken an improv class. I wouldn’t have come out of my shell. There are so many things that wouldn’t have happened that I can’t even imagine being without. Sure, I spent a lot of money to figure that out… but that’s a part of life. We’re Americans, we waste money, or something like that.
You’ve traveled! I’ve never traveled! You’ve lived in NYC and you pursued your dream and even if things didn’t pan out the way you hoped – at least you tried. If you didn’t, you’d be writing a post about how you were in San Diego regretting the fact that you didn’t try to do what you dreamed of. You’re not behind. Who are you behind?
I read about your life – and I love it. From the outside looking in, I think “Man, I wish I had her life. I wish I was doing those things.” And when I picked up Glamour last month and saw your article I got even more jealous! (In a good way!) The most important thing is that you’re you, and you’ve always done things for yourself, and you have a great personality – a great writing voice – a great family – a great everything. Don’t regret a single day of your life, even if there were some really stupid days!
oh erin! i’m in 23 and i find this advice to be good and practical.
but honestly, i think you have a wonderful life. doing what you love, all that traveling, living in nyc! those are my dreams.it’s a shock to me that you felt you’ve wasted your 20′s ( well except for the grad school part).in a way,i’m looking up to you and your fellow writer from glamour, joanna goddard.
Erin, what the what? how did you get inside my brain???? The only difference is that I didn’t hole up in NH reading Kafka. But, I do feel like the grasshopper, not the ant, who played all summer and wasn’t prepared for the winter. Where the hell did the 20s go??? I had an epiphany the other day, actually (ready for your mind to be blown, because no joke, this just about stopped me in my tracks): you only get 10 years to be in your 20s. Then you have to change into the next bracket. I spent the next couple days (weeks) telling everyone I knew. Then one of my friends who’s a couple years older than me helpfully pointed out, “Remember, you also only have 10 years to be in your 30s.” Scccreeeeech!!! Hold up!! Okay, so now every time I start shitting a brick about not being in my 20s anymore, I try to remind myself not to make the same mistake about forgetting I only get 10 years to do my 30s as well.
p.s. I’m still freaking out A LOT about being 30… and I’m almost 31… only 9 more years!!! aaarrrgggghhh!! okay, gotta just remember that I’ve done some pretty cool traveling, but… you’re right, at the end of the day, I’m alone and without a car (though, that doesn’t mean much in a non-socal context… but seriously, how are you handling living in socal without a car???).
Erin—I started out reading your Single-ish stuff and was pretty stoked when you switched over to Smitten. I’m actually putting myself through a master’s program in liberal arts right now while I work FT at a lifestyle mag, and your blogging always makes me smile ’cause it resonates so much with me. Even/especially this post; it struck a chord, so please be forewarned of a reply!
I’ve sometimes smiled ruefully thinking about how I wish what I loved to do actually made me some bank—like, if I had a knack for law or business or engineering or *something* not in publishing; but, the thing is, I *love* to learn, I enjoy reading, and writing is practically like breathing to me. If I couldn’t have that in my life (or my job, which is what, 85% of a person’s waking hours), some vital part of me would wither away. I may never get rich in publishing and journalism, but I’ll make enough to support myself at least (and go to bargain shows, discounted museum nights, try the early-bird specials, and take the occasional trip abroad that I save up for a year for by not eating out so much…). And I always keep in mind that old J.D. Rockefeller quote of when someone asked him how much money was enough, he replied, “Just a little bit more.” I mean, if he can’t be happy with what he’s got, who can?! But then I realized it’s all about reframing.
I look at who I was in my 20s and kinda cringe a little, especially since I was so naïve when it came to guys. But given who I was, I couldn’t've done it any differently. And, looking back, I don’t think I would’ve. Of course if I could go back *and* be the person who I am now, knowing what I know, that’d be different! But I wouldn’t be who I am now without that experience of living abroad and later being broke and getting a feel for 20s dating and whatnot. And I don’t want to go back. I want to keep moving forward and checking stuff off my life’s To Do list.
It’s so, so tempting to measure myself against other people my age or younger, even, to see how I stack up, especially career-wise. But I just keep telling myself I’m on my own path, they’re on theirs, and what matters to me is that I’m doing something where I can follow my heart and not be sorry for a moment that I got to experience what I did, doing things that people always say they want to do/try, but never get around to (Peace Corps, grad school, salsa dancing, skydiving, etc.). Second-guessing once in a while is normal, I think—but then, you can never know what the object of your envy’s life is really like—their struggles and doubts—and I strongly suspect that no matter how things roll, you (as intelligent, savvy, funny, gorgeous and great a writer as you are!) will always find a way to land on your feet.
hello—*long reply
Sorry, it’s the editor in me. I’m sure I’ve made other mistakes but now I be too pooped to go back and proofread. You get the gist!
I completely agree with shoegal88. Im 21 and if I can have the adventures and experiences that you’ve had by the time I’m 30, I would be very happy with my 20′s.
I am currently a Journalism major (undergrad) and I have been looking into graduate programs, one program says that they require all their students to have an internship and that 94% of students are re-hired by the corporation that hired them as interns. I am uncertain if that would be the best move to go to grad school and after your post I am less certain. Being in my early twenties what would you recommend for a Journalism undergrad major? I’m not quite sure what I want to do maybe magazine writing or a column or something. Ideally I don’t want to go to graduate school and be in debt but if I am unable to get a job then that seems like the only other option. It would be nice to have someones opinion who has a fresher take on things. (i.e. not an older adviser, professor, parent etc.)
Erin,
I accidently came across this blog post but I’m glad that I did. I’m 21 and I always feel behind like I’m just waiting for life to happen. I’ve always felt like I wasted my teenage years.
But your blog post has made me realize that I’ve got to get on with taking a few more chances and doing the things that will make me feel alive. And I’m going to start tomorrow. There are a few things I have in mind that I’ve put off doing. I’ll do them.
I think the point is though that its never too late to start. Even though it seems it sometimes.
I used to think job security would bring me hapiness but what really makes me happy is taking chances and meeting people. Mixed in with the simple things in life.
Liam
I started writing out my life story and then realized, you know what, it’s just easier to show you the song I wrote about post-college angst.
Sounds like a couple people above me can relate
This page is the first result of a google search for “wasted my twenties”
I went and got a useless bachelor’s degree in Physics, then graduated into the 2008 recession. I’m 28, about to turn 29, and all I can think of doing is grad school. Now I don’t know what the hell to do, short of riot. The supposed usefulness of a science degree is in serious doubt, at least for me.
I really enjoyed your article. I think you make some really good points. I’m trying to figure out what I want to do. I actually kind of already do know – I want to be a reporter, like you. And I have applied to a bunch of Master Programs. But I’m kind of like – why bother? Are these schools a racket. Sure, some people get good jobs. But most, it seems at least, don’t. And what else does the degree set you up for? Communications jobs, I guess.
The other thing I’m considering is a career in Geology. My dad’s a Geologist. Right now the business is booming. It’s kind of funny – it’s like the polar opposite of journalism, which seems to be in really bad shape. But I’m a bit anxious about committing to Geology. (a) it’s a four year degree, and (b) i have know Idea if I’d like it. And (c) i don’t want to spend a bunch of time in the field! I want to live a glamorous existence in the city with interesting friends and things to do and money to spend and vacations to go on etc.
I’m reading some of these comments, and I think you guys are being too hard on yourselves. Its not uncommon for people to say that their 20s were the worst decade of their life. You guys went to college with the idea it would be a blast and your 20s will be a never-ending rollercoaster of an adventure. I’m in my mid 20s, and I’ll be happy to make this months rent and not be homeless. This sucks. Top it off I don’t have any good memories from this time. All the good ones date back to childhood.
And for those of you who wish you explored the world instead of build a career: someone had to. Someone had to be the breadwinner and make a name for themselves. People who spent their 20s doing whatever they want pay for it in the decades to come. What if everyone did what they wanted to do? Who would be around getting stuff done? You have to realize you were doing what you thought you had to do and believe me you ARE better off for it. Its gets better? You learn to accept your station in life and learn to find joy out of the small things. Be glad you have what you have because some of us will never have that luxury.
I blame hollywood
Reblogged this on Under an Artichoke.
I write erotica and I earn six figures.
I have a degree in English and believe me: it gives me a huge advantage when I’m writing because I understand plots, character, and descriptive writing.
All my friends are poor. Some were very successful, but now I get to travel anyplace I want while I write smut and poetry while working on my novels.
I got a pretty good deal.
[...] when I first read her post “I Need a Do-Over on my 20s!” on her personal blog, Adultlescence, I had to admire her guts for admitting publicly to a [...]